"Sometimes we get mad at people for not being who we imagined them to be, however unrealistic the expectation was." --Marc Lamont Hill
There is nothing worse than the truth being put right in your face when you are just minding your business on a sunny afternoon. My day started with me musing about a particular long term friendship and wondering why he was not as supportive as I needed him to be in my time of crisis. Dramatic scorpion that I am, I decided to call him and ask what happened to our "friendship" over the last few months.
Well, since we are friends, he started off nice and easy, but half-way through, it was as Ike and Tina said in 'Proud Mary', nice and rough! Somewhere between my tears and his B-Boy stance, I realized what had happened. I was demanding he follow my expectations on what I thought our friendship was; which he clearly did not share. It was MY fantasy relationship and I was trying to get him to buy into it . *insert confused stare* We had not discussed our viewpoints nor agreed on one. I thought and believed that whatever I perceived our friendship to be, he felt the same way. WRONG. Now I was trying to get him to see it from my point of view and vice versa.
Fortunately, I came to my senses before this convo got waaaay off track and our long-standing friendship irrevocably damaged. I took a deep breath and said, simply, OK. I let him know that I was through the worst and I thanked him for the support he had shown. We made peace. I realized that what I wanted from him and what I was getting were two different things. And it was ok. Actually, better than that. He gives me all he has to give and considers me one of his best friends. The illusion is gone. When I need the kind of support I wanted him to give me, I have other friends I can get it from. It's not that serious.
